Kinky
by VolleyballGoddess
Summary: Astrid didn't expect her life to get anymore awkward- she was, after all working the most awkward job imaginable. Of course, she should have predicted once that had been established, a certain person would flip her world around without her consent. He always enjoyed proving people wrong. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **

***peeks out from behind laptop***

**Okay so I know its been like... 3 years since I published something. But in my defense, high school has been kicking my arse since I became Key Club Lieutenant Governor, and it just generally sucks. I promise, I meant to publish those short stories I promised a long time ago. In fact, have of them are half written in my computer! I've just had terrible luck with technology- I've lost two iPods, broken two computers, and lost/broken 4 phones. All of them, mind you, used: I'm not made of money.**

**Before anyone judges me or hates me, let me explain: Many of the stories I wrote were mental drabbles, and with school they became progressively harder to finish. Also, I was helping my little sister with the fic, _New Girl_, she has been writing for the Gallagher fandom. Check it out, from hastagbrethren. I'll try to get her to update that too. This fic is something new and something that makes me very nervous: not only is it my first in the HTTYD fandom, its also my first multi-chapter, and my first step into the adult realm. I warn: I don't mean it's going to be smutty, though I can't assure it won't get a little heated later- I just mean it concerns some big-girl stuff. **

**Gosh, I'm rambling aren't I? I'll just shut up and let you read the rest, and continue my author's note later.**

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><p>Astrid was used to keeping a carefully polite give-no-fucks expression to every customer in the store.<p>

It came with the territory really. Working in an 'erotic boutique' (layman's term was just 'sex shop'), you saw all sorts of things. Making faces at the kinky couple who bought a saddle and furry handcuffs wasn't exactly the best way to increase sales. In fact, one of the first things she was taught when she was training was 'Never be surprised.' She had done her best to follow that rule. After a few awkward encounters (she will _never_ be able to forget looking at her latin professor buying a dildo. As in _never._), she caught on to the rhythm of things and eventually stopped seeing faces. Customers became expressionless, genderless money-contributing sex-enthusiasts. And after 6 months of working at Centre D'Erotica she had seen every level of weird that could possibly exist. She knew the store like the back of her had- where to find what customers were looking for- She even knew the regulars.

There was Snotlout, a stocky, short, college linebacker that came in every week with a new list and a terrible pickup line. He always made a point to buy a package of large condoms and wink at her every time he came. She always ignored him.

The Jeffersons, a middle-aged couple who had one crazy plan after the other to amp up their sex life. She suspected Mrs. Jefferson had read _Fifty Shades of Grey_ a few too many times. The only good thing was that she was always very friendly and gave Astrid a Hershey's bar on the way out. It would be a lot more pleasant if she didn't suspect they were trying to rope her into a threesome.

Ruffnut was a psych major who dropped in every once in a while and made small talk with Astrid about the complete stupidity of the male species. Ruff was what Astrid would value in a friend, had they not met at the local adult store: She always had a funny story to tell about something crazy that happened in her political science class or from her latest one-nighter, was sassy, and remarkably shameless_. _If Astrid hadn't become too familiar with the type of lubricants she used, she would not have minded going with Ruff out to a bar for a girls' night out.

A few other customers would come in on occasion, but those were the ones she knew the most. It actually became less awkward, knowing the customers, because it became less what -is-your-sex-life and more how's-your-sex-life-going-these days. She knew what they liked to get and how to be a good salesperson. Surprising, but true.

One thing should be made clear- it's not like Astrid had ever specifically wanted to work in a sex shop. She didn't have a fascination with intercourse or anything, and she didn't even care for (most of) the stuff she sold. She just needed a job, a flexible one that paid well, and when her ex-boyfriend had forced her into the store on one of his 'kinky-kicks', she had seen the Help Wanted sign and this one had just sort of… fallen into her lap. So there she was, twenty-two years old, pre-law student working at what should probably be, but wasn't, the most awkward job in the world.

Besides maybe a middle-aged male gynecologist.

But that had been before.

The Tuesday when all of her real struggles began seemed like any other Tuesday in December. She was cataloging yesterday's sales while trying to remember what answer she had put for question thirty-seven on her Philosophy of Law final the previous Friday. She couldn't remember if it had been A or B, but she knew the answer was B and her professor still hadn't put in the grade and she was feeling frustrated. She punched a key on the register unnecessarily hard, and the door to the store opened, letting in a cold rush of air.

Like she had said before, working in a sex shop keeps you from being surprised by even the most unusual situations. And even when you were surprised, you become particularly adept and hiding it. So when she saw the incoming customer, she only allowed herself a brief eye-widening before it fell back to her default how-may-I-help-you expression.

Astrid had learned to ignore faces when dealing with customers, but sometimes that particular skill failed her. This was one of those times. She had had her fair share of nerdy, virginal guys come in looking around with a mixture of awe and terror, reeking of recently-googled pubescent questions. They bumbled around awkwardly, before buying ridiculous merchandise no one on their right mind would spend money on. But _this_ guy?

For one, he wasn't exactly _nerdy- _At least not in the conventional way. Sure, he was undoubtedly lanky, and he had the awed-terrified expression down to a tee- but he was more lean muscle than he was scrawny fishbone, and his sharp jawline was lined with what seemed to be five o'clock shadow (it was 8 in the morning? What the Hel?), and when they made eye contact across the store she saw his eyes were a brilliant green that made her take a double take and for some reason that annoyed her. Despite his obvious physical attractiveness, he was wearing a Legend of Zelda t-shirt, clutching clutching a laptop bag like a lifeline, and when he took his first step towards the counter, his elbow hit a rack of vibrators and knocked them down to the floor.

So yeah. An hot, unconventional nerd, but a nerd all the same.

She let out an unladylike snort as he stared at the mess with a horror struck expression, that only intensified as a few of them became to vibrate on the floor like electrocuted worms.

'S-sorry, sorry,' he stammered in a voice that was an odd combination of nasally and low. 'I-I-didn't see- sorry-'

She let him suffer for for a few moments more before the good employee in her finally said, 'Don't worry about it. We'll pick that up later. What can I do for you?'

Astrid didn't think it was possible, but his already red face turned even redder, which should have made him look like like a cherry tomato but instead made his already brilliantly green eyes shine even more. 'Right,' he blew out out a breath and rocked forward slightly. 'Well, um, you wouldn't happen to carry liquid latex, would you?'

Astrid refrained from raising an eyebrowe and took a cursory glance around the shop. 'I believe we do over there.' She motioned to her left, where there were several different sized labeled containers on a shelf. He nodded once once and muttered thank you, avoiding her gaze, and walked awkwardly to the shelves. She smirked as he carefully sidestepped around the rack of inflatable dolls.

The girl turned her attention back to the log book and wrote in the last few sales. By the time she was done, the customer was back and shifting his weight nervously. She glanced up and he set a bottle on the counter.

She grabbed it and rang it up, smiling at him politely as she took the cash he was holding and saying, 'Did you find everything alright?'

He blinked, as if he was surprised she was talking to him, and gave her a nervous crooked smile. 'Oh, yeah, it was fine.'

Placing the bottle in the bag, she handed it to him and watched him turn to go.

'Have a nice day,' She said.

He glanced back at the her. 'Thanks. You, um, you too.'

Once he had disappeared out the door, Astrid returned to her chores, but she found herself wondering what the heck a guy like him needed liquid latex for. He definitely didn't seem the type to have kinky fetishes, and the (few) people who had been in there to buy it just… well. He just didn't seem to be the type.

He was cute. Like… really actually very cute. And he was dorky. _Extremely_ dorky.

Astrid shook her head, admonishing herself. She didn't really have time to eye attractive-nerd-guys-with-suspicious-behaviour. She had bigger things to worry about- like the fact her dog had torn apart the bathroom door for the _third_ time that month. Seriously, what was wrong with that animal?

Any final musings on the green-eyed boy vanished when the bell above the door rang and her least favourite regular sauntered in, sneering out, 'Hey babe, you're a nine out of ten- and I'm the one you need!'.

It was going to be a long day.

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><p><strong>*sweats nervously*<strong>

**See what I mean? **

**Okay the inspiration for this hit me last Tuesday from an event that actually took place- though it did not involve any potential romances. I'll elaborate later, when it doesn't possibly ruin the story. I swear, I wouldn't have written something potentially dirty if I didn't feel particularly interested in the plot. I just really hope I don't disappoint.**

**I'll be updating a few chapters to see the general reception. Reviews mean 'yes' unless you specifically say 'ew stop.', in which case I will lay down my figurative quill and stuff my face with comfort food at a failed idea. If you want continuity, review! If you don't, review. **

**Seriously, just review.**

**I've missed updating more than I can admit. **

**-VolleyballGoddess**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay so I'd like to thank everyone for the reviews- they were both encouraging and constructive :) I really appreciate it, especially since this story is so far out of my comfort zone. I'm honestly very sensitive about this one, so it's nice to see all the interest. **

**I should apologise for the typos that people have pointed out. It's very thoughtful of you. Just to clarify, there will likely be many typos in my chapters. I don't have a beta, and I have very little time to pinpoint all the errors I make. My main goal is to write something for the readers and myself, and more often than not, once I get going, it's difficult to stop, and mistakes happen. I do try to find them before I publish, but unless they explicitly make the story illegible, I ask you bear with me. By all means, keep pointing them out though! Just do it in a polite way and I'll try to fix them.**

**Okay, so I hope you enjoy this new chapter! R&R guys :D**

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><p>Hiccup had not woken up that day expecting to go into a sex shop.<p>

In fact, he really hadn't planned on waking up until noon-ish in general (he had stayed up rather late the night before due to the thunderstorm that kept his cowardly, yet very loud, cat up all. Freaking. Night.).

It was only around two in the morning that the thunder had finally subsided, and the offspring-of-lightning-and-death itself had finally stopped clawing at his leg and yowling miserably. Hiccup had finally managed to go to sleep, and was intending to sleep for the whole morning and part of the afternoon. The loud ring of his phone shot that plan in the metaphoric foot (heh).

'Ugh. Hello?'

'_Hiccup!_'

The much too loud voice made Hiccup blink and jerk his head back. It was- he checked the alarm clock by his bed- seven in the morning, and his friend, Fishlegs, was practically shouting into the other end of the phone. 'What do you want, Fishlegs?' He asked raspily.

'_Remember our plan for Friday?'_ His friend spoke much quieter, probably realising by the disgruntled tone of Hiccup's voice that it was _way_ too early to be excited.

'Er...' Hiccup struggled to identify what exactly Fishlegs was referring to.

'_Don't play dumb, Hiccup, it's not very becoming of you. Anyway, if we want to have the costumes ready we have to get started on the prosthetics now, that way we have time for a few trial ones.'_

Hiccup absentmindedly scratched his leg. 'Okay, well, why are you telling me this at seven in the morning?'

'_Because I went down to the party store and they don't have liquid latex.'_

His mind still slow to catch on, Hiccup failed to see where Fishlegs' train of thought was heading. 'Ummm...'

He could practically _hear _Fishlegs roll his eyes. '_I need you to go get some. So we can make the prosthetics.'_

'If you couldn't find it, what makes you think I can?' Hiccup finally sat up, apologising mentally to Toothless, who had been curled up on his chest and had just been unceremoniously tossed onto the bed.

'_I googled it. It's sold in other places year-round.'_

'What other places?'

Silence on the other end.

'Fish?'

'_Before I say anything, I have to remind you I can't go get it myself because I have work and we need it now, and also because you still owe me from the Catapult Incident of '09.'_

'Fishlegs!'

'_You're gonna have to run down to the grown-up store.'_

What Fishlegs was suggesting dawned on Hiccup almost immediately, but he was too bemused by his friend's choice of words to pay particular attention to the development? 'Grown-up store? Really, Fish? You're twenty-three years old, and _that's _what you're going with?'

'_I'm at work!'_

'Gosh, and I bet the other programmers couldn't handle hearing the word "sex" without their brains imploding. They're just too pure for that kind of adulteration.'

'_Sarcasm isn't very becoming on you either.'_ The sound of clicking keys sounded through the earpiece.

'That's too bad, because it's my first language.' Hiccup closed his eyes, wishing to fall asleep again. A moment later, his eyes snapped open. 'Wait, _what_?'

'_Caught on, have you?_'

'Why? How do you even know they _carry _the stuff?

'_I called ahead. So get up, Hiccup, and get down there. It'll be an interesting experience.'_

'I hate you.'

'_Gotta go. I'll text you the address, cause I know you're lazy and won't go if you don't know where it is. Give him Hel for me, Toothless!' _The last sentence was shouted so loud that Hiccup had to pull the phone off his ear. Hiccup's cat peered up from where he was curled up and let out a mewl. Hiccup grumbled and flopped back, throwing an arm over his face dramatically. He tried to relax enough to let himself fall back asleep, because screw Fishlegs and his OCD tendencies.

But it appeared not only had Toothless heard Fishlegs, he also seemed to want to obey the command. Just as he was feeling the heaviness of sleep fall on him again, a furry paw batted at his cheek. 'Ugh, Toothless. Stop.'

He felt the he weight of a seven-pound feline crawl across his chest and up to his face, followed by a raspy tongue that began to lick him relentlessly. 'Toothless!'

The licking became more insistent, and mewling started. Hiccup shoved the cat off with a growl. 'I hate you.'

Toothless only smirked a cat smirk at him as his owner threw off the covers and rubbed his eyes wearily. Well, there was no going back now.

Hiccup mechanically reached for the metal prosthetic leg that leaned on the nightstand next to his bed. It had become habit now: wake up, attach leg, go on with his day. He had lost his lower leg in a fire when he was fifteen, and since then he had had to practice to continue with his life as normal. After a few falls out of bed from forgetting to attach his prosthetic, Hiccup had finally gotten the hang of it, and now he moved as smoothly- in fact, more so- than he had with two feet. Physical therapy had improved his coordination significantly- though he still suffered bouts of clumsiness when he was nervous.

The metal piece attached and functioning, Hiccup stood and groaned, before shuffling to the bathroom in his tiny apartment, a jet black ball of fur weaving in between his legs treacherously on his way.

When he was finally decently groomed (his hair was unmanageable and he had, in his absentmindedness, forgotten to buy a razor- but he had successfully brushed his teeth, which, in his exhausted state, he considered a triumph), Hiccup lumbered back to his bedroom. He tugged a pair of jeans off a chair, struggling to put them on with Toothless insistently clawing at the denim and his prosthetic catching on the the pants leg. Once he succeeded, he yanked on the first clean shirt he could find, pulled on his laptop bag, patted Toothless goodbye, and- grabbing pack of pop tarts out of the pantry- took off out the door.

It was only a fifteen minute drive to the store Fishlegs was sending him to, a small shop with a strange french name he was not in the mood to try to pronounce. The trepidation he felt walking up to the door was one that he hadn't felt since his freshman year of college, when he had walked into his university's engineering lab for the first time.

A little bell rang as he opened the door, and- _Freya help him._ It was just his luck.

Behind a tall white counter, bent over and scribbling into into a binder, was probably the prettiest girl Hiccup had ever seen. Well, in person anyway. He had a big crush Emma Watson after all.

She had blonde hair braided haphazardly over her shoulder, and when she glanced up at him, he met her blue eyes. She looked sweet enough, but in his many years as a social outcast, Hiccup had learned how to read people, and the look of dry disinterest she wore pretty much told him he was _too cool for him._ Hiccup grimaced internally. As if he needed anything to make him _more_ nervous.

Sure enough, within the first thirty seconds of being in the store, Hiccup knocked over a shelf of vibrators and made himself sound like a stammering idiot. He couldn't even blame his bad leg for it either, since he had hit it with his elbow.

He made his way-carefully- to the shelf she had pointed him to and began to look for a decent sized container of skin-coloured liquid latex. After all, he really didn't want to come back again. Hiccup succeeded in finding a reasonably large bottle, and tried to pay for it without drawing attention to himself. He really hoped she wouldn't ask him any awkward questions. He might not be able to handle it.

'Did you find everything alright?' The girl asked.

Hiccup blinked. Did he...oh yeah, that was probably a typical employee question. He really needed to stop freaking out. He was twenty-two, for crying out loud, not fourteen. 'Oh, yeah, it was fine.' He answered as calmly as he could when talking to a pretty girl, offering her a smile he hoped came off as 'I do this all the time' and not 'I'm super awkward and I'm only in here because my friend made me because we're dressing up as characters from Middle Earth for a movie premiere'.

He probably failed, but whatever.

The minute she handed him the bag, he turned and bolted. 'Have a nice day,' She called out from behind him.

He glanced back. 'Thanks. You, um, you too.' He didn't miss the look of amused bemusement on her face.

Hiccup spent the a next twenty minutes cursing himself vehemently. The rest of the day went by with the unrushed laziness of a holiday: he called Fishlegs briefly ('_You got it?'_ 'Yeah, I did but-' '_Okay, start on them and I'll come help you after work!' '_Fishlegs!'), returned home and marathoned a few episodes of Merlin on Netflix, then, at the pointed look from his too-wise cat, sat down at his desk with modeling clay, floral foam, and the new bottle of latex.

'Alright, bud.' He said, scratching Toothless' head. The cat leapt onto the desk and, after being pushed back from on top of his work several times, settled into the corner disgruntledly. Hiccup quickly sketched out several strange looking noses and ears. For an hour Hiccup played around with a few designs, then, finally settling on a sketch of large, rather goofy-looking pointed ears, began drawing and carving it out of the foam.

Fishlegs let himself in around noon, on his lunch break, when Hiccup had just begun painstakingly painting liquid latex to the end of a rather fantastically carved pointed ear. 'Is that one yours?' The widely built blond asked. He and Hiccup had been friends since being roommates their freshman year, and while Fishlegs had gone on to become a computer programmer at one of the largest gaming companies in the country, Hiccup had gone on to try to get his Ph.D. It had been his dad's idea more than anything, but Hiccup was very interested in the research side of mechanical engineering, so it hadn't taken much convincing to get him to continue his education.

'Yep,' Hiccup answered without looking up at Fishlegs. He was trying very hard to get a smooth layer of the viscous white liquid over the foam. 'I want to see how many layers we'll need to make it look acceptable. Then I'll get started on your nose.' He finally shot a look at his friend. 'You're gonna be a dwarf, you said?'

'Yeah,' Fishlegs nodded excitedly. 'I'm even growing facial hair.' He gestured proudly at the sprinkling of blond hair that were appearing on his chin. 'And apparently, beards give plus five attractiveness. At least, that's what that girl I was telling you about said.'

'What girl?'

'The one I met at that bar, remember?'

Hiccup shot his friend a look as he finished the third coat of latex and clipped the dying product upside-down on a pair of clothespins hanging on a string. 'She said it gave you plus five attractiveness?' He asked doubtfully.

'Well, not exactly,' Fishlegs admitted. Hiccup shook his head and grinned. Toothless, who had been surprisingly quiet this whole time, meowed and he glanced at the furry little monster who was curled up in a corner on his desk. 'But it's what she meant! Did you decide what you were going to be?'

'Huh? Oh, yeah. A hobbit.'

It should be explained at this point, the entire situation that was taking place, and why Hiccup was spending a perfectly lovely winter afternoon making latex ears instead of doing something far more pleasurable- such as sleeping. That Friday was the premiere of the second instillation of The Hobbit movies, what Hiccup considered to be one of the most important cinematic series of the decade. (He meant, of course, the 2010's, because even the new movies couldn't hold a candle to the original The Lord of the Rings films and Harry Potter). Fishlegs had made the brilliant suggestion that they dress up for the premiere, because a situation like that only came once in a lifetime, and really, he and Hiccup were shameless nerds. Unfortunately, Fishlegs was also a go-big-or-go-home kind of guy, who insisted on perfecting their costumes to the best of their ability- and that resulted in Hiccup walking into a sex shop at eight am on a Tuesday.

'Good idea. You aren't very elf-like.' Fishlegs agreed thoughtfully. Hiccup rolled his eyes.

'Thanks, Fish. What time do you get off today?'

'Four. I can come and help you with the stuff after. Do you want food or something?'

'Eh. I'll let you know.' Hiccup waved off his friend's offer and began prodding the block of modeling clay. 'I'd better get back to this. This movie had better be amazing, with all this trouble we're going through.'

'Stop complaining, you big baby. Bye Toothless!' Fishlegs patted the cat with a massive but gentle hand, and lumbered out of Hiccup's bedroom. A moment later the front door shut.

Hiccup sighed. 'What do you think, bud? Get started on Fish's nose, or watch some Merlin-Arthur action?'

Toothless raised his head and gave him a look that clearly read, _I'm a cat. I couldn't care less what you do._ Hiccup nodded. 'You're right. Merlin it is.'

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><p><strong>AN: **

**Okie dokie, there it is. Hiccup's purpose in the shop was revealed. Sorry for those of you who thought it'd be something dirty- Hiccup is way too nerdy for that. For now. Those of you who thought it was an experiment were closer, but Fishlegs and Hiccup are pretty hardcore Lord of the Rings fans, in my opinion. **

**Funny story, I actually dressed up as an elf for the Battle of the Five Armies premiere, and I just so happened to skip my first period to go to my local Katz Boutique to get myself a bottle of liquid latex. The mockery from my friends put aside, I thought it would make a pretty silly fanfiction, and this little goofy creation was born. So yeah, haha, hope it wasn't too anticlimactic for you, but there it is. **

**Pleeeeeeeease read and review guys, I would love it so very much. Especially if you review, because guess what motivates me to continue to publish and improve my writing. **

**Anyways, that's all for now. Happy New Years, melloneanin. **

**-VolleyballGoddess**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I'm sorry! I know it's been a little more than a week since I updated, but school has begun again, and I have 9 weeks before grades lock and I need to keep my rank up, and I've been filling out scholarship stuff and FAFSA, and in general, school just really, really sucks. **

**Here's a pretty lengthy chapter to hopefully make up for it, and I won't bother you with a longer author's note.**

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><p>One day until the movie premiere, and Hiccup was about ready to kill Fishlegs and feed him to Toothless. He didn't doubt that Toothless would enjoy it too.<p>

Was it even possible for one person to be so completely anal? Hiccup had made no less than fifteen versions of Fishlegs' dwarf nose, and each one was only 'forty-three percent accurate, as opposed to the sixty-seven he needed for minimum authenticity'. He didn't have a clue what that even _looked _like, but Fishlegs was not skilled in the art department, and so every attempt he made to provide an example looked more like a potato than a dwarfish nose. Fortunately, (for Fishlegs, because Hiccup would have called it quits otherwise), the rubber 'gloves' he had made to make Fishlegs' hands look bigger and rougher had been approved the first time. Hiccup wasn't half as picky as Fish when it came to his costume.

Fishlegs was currently camped out on Hiccup's couch munching on a box of Cheez-Its, watching something on the television and periodically pushing a begging Toothless away. Hiccup didn't know why Toothless was begging for Cheez-its, the cat was the pickiest creature he had ever seen- the only thing Toothless would allow in his food bowl was fish-flavoured cat food or fish itself. It was only, he determined, for the sake of begging.

Hiccup trudged up to Fishlegs with the latest olfactory model. 'Here's one, and for the sake of my sanity, please, _please_ say that it exceeds sixty-seven percent accuracy because I don't think I can handle another attempt.'

Fishlegs looked up from the show he was watching (Was that _Gossip Girl_? And how did Hiccup even _know _that?) to closer inspect the clay. The blond boy was silent for a few moments, frowning and muttering to himself inscrutably. Hiccup felt his heart sink down to his stomach. _Not again_.

'Perfect!' Fishlegs suddenly exclaimed, so loudly that Toothless darted behind his owner and dug his claws into his pants leg. Hiccup felt nothing, seeing as it was his bad leg, but he shook his cat off anyways. 'This is at least seventy-four percent!'

Hiccup slumped in relief. 'Thank the gods. I'll just paint it and we can finally stop, right?'

'This calls for celebration!' Fishlegs crowed in response, standing and upending the box of cheese-flavoured crackers in his excitement.

'Celebration?' Hiccup asked doubtfully as he watched his cat attack the spilled goodies on the floor.

'How about we get that Chinese that you like?' Fishlegs asked eagerly. 'And we can marathon the Lord of the Rings to prepare for the marathon tomorrow!'

Hiccup grinned, picking up on his friend's excitement. 'Extended editions?'

Fishlegs snorted. 'As if it'd be anything else. That's approximately eleven hours and twenty-two minutes we have to marathon, then the Hobbit will clock in at three hours and three minutes, so a total of-'

'Fourteen hours and twenty five minutes,' Hiccup finished for him. 'Sleep or no sleep?' He was very much hoping his friend would say 'sleep', but Fishlegs was very serious about these movies.

'If we start at exactly seventeen-hundred hours, we can watch the first two, sleep until nine, finish the marathon, and still have approximately five hours and forty-eight minutes for potential problems and to get ready before we have to be at the premiere.'

Sometimes it was really great to have a stats nerd as his best friend.

'Sounds good to me. I can go pick up dinner, if you call in.' Hiccup made to go back to his room and finish painting the latex on the model, but Fishlegs' voice stopped him.

'No, I can go, if you want.' He shifted, looking guiltily at the floor. 'You've already done a lot and I haven't been much help, I-'

'Hey!' Hiccup cut him off, laughing. 'Calm down, Fish. I need to stretch my legs out for a bit, or I might lose the other one too.' He mockingly shook his metal foot before grinning, and Fishlegs' who was used to his friend's leg jokes by now, rolled his eyes and waved him away.

Hiccup finished up several coats of latex in record time, and was admiring his finished handiwork when Fishlegs appeared in the doorway. 'I called in and it should be ready in like fifteen minutes.'

Hiccup carefully set the nose down and stood, brushing his hands on his jeans. 'Alright I'll head out then.'

Fishlegs nodded approvingly at the nose-mold, before realising what Hiccup had said and frowning. 'But it's only a five minute drive.'

'My good foot is about five _seconds _away from falling off from inactivity,' Hiccup deadpanned. 'I gotta get moving, put some use to all… _this_.' He gestured widely to himself.

Fishlegs only chortled and turned around. After grabbing his coat and keys, Hiccup followed.

As he made his way to the door, Toothless weaved between his legs, meowing piteously. Hiccup stared at the cat. The cat stared back with an expression reminiscent to Puss in Boots from Shrek. 'No way, bud.' Hiccup said forcefully. 'You try to climb out the window and you change the volume of the radio, and climb up my seat and sit behind my head and-' Who was he kidding. Toothless had big green eyes, and Hiccup was _weak_. 'Argh, _f__ine_.'

'Pathetic,' Fishlegs observed.

'Shut up,' Hiccup grumbled, scooping up his cat in one arm and opening the door. 'You sing Meatlug to sleep every night.'

'And she loves it!' Fishlegs calls to the slamming door.

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><p>Hiccup supposed Fishlegs was right about several things- the first being he should have left later, so he didn't have to wait, the second being he should have left his demon-cat behind while he had the chance.<p>

You see, Toothless, while inarguably adorable and cuddly and good at catching spiders, was was also evil. _Pure evil. _When Hiccup had first adopted the feline, days after he'd moved out of the dorms and gotten his own place, he was convinced the cat would be the best friend he had never had. After all, he had saved the cat's life.

He'd been walking to his new place after class, when he'd heard what was undoubtedly a weak meow. Following the sound to an alleyway, he'd found a tiny black ball of fur, bleeding, shivering, and starved. He hadn't hesitated to pick it up carefully, wrapping it in his jacket, and take it to the nearest vet's office. A few weeks and treatments later, the kitten was much healthier, and when Hiccup went to check on him, he was rather stunned to see that the cat was missing a leg.

The vet told him that it had likely been shot, and had been so mangled they couldn't save it. Apparently the cat was lucky to have been found by Hiccup so quickly: a few more hours and it would have been too late. The whole situation was so reflective of Hiccup's own loss of limb, that half an hour later, Hiccup was walking out with a tiny bag of cat food, a tiny litter box, and a tiny cat.

It would be nice to say that the two became best of friends, but it took a while for the kitten to warm to Hiccup. Within weeks however, after several bribes of fish-flavoured cat treats, under-the-chin-rubs, and cat-nip toys, the cat was so cuddly and harmless that Hiccup soon dubbed him Toothless.

Despite Hiccup's obvious selflessness to his feline friend, Toothless was still incredibly inconsiderate. That evening was the perfect example.

Hiccup parked his car in the pick-up space by the front door of the restaurant and fumbled with his seatbelt. Had he been paying closer attention, maybe he would have noticed his cat's poised position, and the tell-tale wriggling of his behind. As it was, Hiccup did not observe this, and so when he pushed open the door, it came as a complete shock to him to feel a furball dart past him and outside into the cold night air. Hiccup let out a strangled cry and lurched forward, hoping to catch Toothless before he made it too far, but his fingers closed over thin air.

It seemed to happen in slow motion. Hiccup scrambled out of the car and watched in horror as the-offspring-of-lightning-and-death-itself darted as quickly as a three legged cat could towards the restaurant door, just as it opened. The cat shot through the patron's legs, knocking them off balance. White styrofoam containers flew up into the air, shining cheaply in the soft glow of the street light before tumbling to the ground, and splattering to the floor, while the customer let out a startled cry and stumbled, falling face first into the ground.

Hiccup's momentary lapse of motor skills vanished; he quickly hobbled forward, stuttering apologise as fast as his brain could process them.

'Oh my gods, I'm so sorry-'

'Are you fucking _kidding _me-'

'-he doesn't usually do that, I promise- oh gods-'

'- I'm gonna kill it, I swear to Odin-'

'Are you okay, did you get hurt or-_Ahhaha OW!_'

The final cry of pain resulted from the sudden twisted position Hiccup's arm was in: as he bent to help Toothless victim from the ground, she- for it was a she- grabbed his wrist and forced it back into a very painful position.

'What was _that_ for?' He cried out as she released him.

'That was for letting a stupid cat run around on the street you stupid, moronic-' She faltered.

Hiccup looked up from his throbbing wrist, eyes watering, and almost fell over himself.

Standing in front of him, looking flushed from irritation but shocked as well, was none other than the blonde cashier from the adult store Hiccup had visited the day before. Hiccup decided at that moment that he was putting Toothless up for adoption.

'Um… hi.' He said nervously. She didn't answer. 'I'm really sorry about that. I promise, he's never run out like that before, I have no idea what got into him, but I'll pay for your meal. If you want to order the same thing again, or get like, the whole menu just to get me back, or whatever, it's on me, I feel really bad...' Hiccup was aware he was rambling, but this was probably one of the most embarrassing situations of his entire life and he tended to ramble when he was nervous. That and trip over things, but at this point all the damage had already committed by Toothless, and even _he _wasn't that clumsy.

After a second or two of his mumbling, the girl seemed to come to her senses because she cut him off. 'It's fine. Just, control your cat.' She shot an angry look at Toothless, who met her gaze, then started licking himself in a clearly dismissive way.

She started to walk away, when Hiccup started and followed her, though he was careful not to touch her. 'Wait!' he insisted, trotting beside her with his lopsided gait. 'I insist on paying for your dinner, it's the least I can do. Please?'

The girl seemed to be about to protest, when her stomach grumbled audibly, even through the thick layer of her fur-lined coat. She hesitated, and Hiccup shot her his most charming (meaning, not-very-charming-at-all) smile. Her scowl deepened, but she muttered, 'Fine.'

Without waiting for him, she pivoted and started walking back towards the restaurant. Hiccup followed her, and stopped to scoop us his evil cat. He dropped him in the driver's seat of his already opened car, glaring the whole time, then locked it (although maybe he should leave it unlocked, so someone could take Toothless. Who was he kidding, no one would steal that useless mammal), and trailed the girl inside.

She was leaning against the wall, having already re-placed her order. Hiccup walked up beside her.

'I'm really sorry about that,' Hiccup offered again nervously, shoving his hands in his pockets.

'You said that already,' she said dryly without looking at him. He flushed. 'Yeah. I guess I did.'

They fell silent for another couple of seconds, before the girl said, 'Are you going to pick up your order or what?' Hiccup jumped and, turning bright red again, muttered, 'Right,' and moved forward to the register.

He paid for his order and the one the girl had placed, then turned around to wait the last few minutes before his food would be done. As he walked back to the wall, he saw the girl eyeing his metal foot; when she saw that he caught her staring, she turned pink and turned away.

Hiccup tried to pass the time by reciting the Brayton, Carnot, and Otto Cycle Efficiency equations in his head. He was interrupted unexpectedly.

'Sorry.'

Hiccup turned to gape at the blonde beside him. 'What?'

'I'm sorry,'she repeated, looking straight ahead. 'I was kind of rude earlier. It wasn't your fault your cat tripped me. I have a dog, I know how crazy animals can be. I just had a rough day, and I kind of took it out on you.' She looked up at Hiccup and offered him a small smile, to which Hiccup responded to with a grin.

'It's okay, I know how that can be,' he smiled, to show her no had feelings. He held out his hand. 'I'm Hiccup, by the way.'

She raised an eyebrow at his name, but otherwise said nothing. 'Astrid. Do you live around here?'

'Yeah, I go to school in the area.' He wondered if she was going to mention seeing him at her job yesterday. He sincerely hoped not. Was there like a customer-seller privacy code at sex stores that he wasn't aware of, or did cashiers just bring up their buyers' purchases whenever they ran into them in public. Did that even _happen_ often?

'Oh really?' She seemed genuinely interested at this. 'So do I? Which one?'

Hiccup shifted uncomfortably. This was the dreaded question. 'Um… Massachusetts Institute of Technology.'

Instead of being impressed and making a fuss, like he had been afraid of (who could blame him, it happened a lot), she nodded and said, 'Cool. I'm at Harvard.'

Hiccup blinked in shock. 'You go to Harvard?'

She smirked. 'Yeah, I'm studying law. What about you? Engineer, I'm guessing.'

Hiccup smiled back at her. 'You got me.'

She wrinkled her nose, and Hiccup was momentarily distracted by how implausibly cute it looked. Ugh. Look at him, fawning over a pretty girl who probably thought he was a crazy cat-man. Or maybe not: she had seen him purchasing a bottle of liquid latex- maybe she thought he had a very wild sex-life.

The thought almost made him scoff, before he realised she was saying something. '-no idea how you would study that. I hate math.'

He shrugged modestly. 'It's really not so bad once you get the hang of it. It could be worse- I could be scrawny and nerdy and living with my cat. Oh, _wait_.'

Astrid gave an unlady-like snort and then started laughing. Hiccup found himself chuckling along with her. They were still laughing when the cashier called out his name.

Hiccup shoved himself off the wall and grabbed his order, then made his way to the door. 'Well, um,' he stammered, awkwardness returning in full force. 'Meet you nice- I mean, it was nice. To meet you. Yeah.'

Astrid snickered, waving at him as he flushed. 'It was nice to meet you too Hiccup.' She smiled at him, and he felt flutters erupt in his tummy, so he shoved open the door and hurriedly made his way outside, tripping, of course, over the rug at the doorstep.

He could hear her giggling as the door swung shut, but it wasn't a mocking laugh, it was a nice one, like someone enjoying a good joke with a friend. Hiccup found himself smiling as he walked towards his car.

Maybe he should thank Toothless instead.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Well, there's chapter 3. Like I said before, I uploaded this as quickly as possible, and though I proof read, it is by no means infallible, so please let me know if you see any errors. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to study for an AP chemistry test and try to understand Euler's Method, so wish me luck.**

**Read and Review, because your reviews are the only reason I set aside my Calculus and write. Seriously, it's all that motivates me through this school year.**

**Thanks and R&R,**

**-VolleyballGoddess**


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